I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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