yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
