Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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