Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
