allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
