Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
