you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
