Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
