So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
