all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
