i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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