3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
