it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
