My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
