I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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