Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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