tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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