Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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