angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
