I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
