Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
