Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
