I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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