No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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