I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
