Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
