We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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