even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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