Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
