i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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