a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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