Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
