So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
