bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
