I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
