he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
