Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
