I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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