I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
