He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
