Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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