i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
