One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
