rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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