why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Randomize
