Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
