her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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