yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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