she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
