hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
