my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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