i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
