I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
